Friday, September 9, 2011

Quotes from my friend’s boss

 

A close friend of C25Karen and I has a pretty swanky job at a bank and even has her own “minion”.  Every once in a while “minion” will draft a document containing their boss’s top quotes.  Most of these are off color, politically incorrect and may be mildly offensive.  So if you’re offended… well, maybe you should lighten up a little.  I changed the names and anything else that might indicate where all this came from.

B.  Big Bossisms:

The Classics

“Know your audience”

“Never assume. You are just making an ass out of you and me.”

  1. “I don’t care if you call it EBITDA, EBITDAX, or Shit on a Wall, as long as the definition remains the same, the word is irrelevant.” – 12/17/10

  • B. Big boss expressing his feelings toward the esteemed law firm in Oklahoma that BOT Big Energy is obligated to collaborate with given certain parameters. This specific instance dealt with a discrepancy in term definitions.

  1. "If you are willing to do anything to make money, then you might as well be a whore on a street corner." – 2/9/11

    • B. Big Boss differentiating between a financial institution that adequately assesses the risk of a prospective client and a financial institution which is less particular with the choice of clientele because the latter is too focused on gaining bank fees and increasing revenue.

  1. “The bigger they are, the harder they fall.” 2/16/11

    • B. Big Boss utilized this phrase when explaining the correlation between the width of a female’s hips and her ease in childbirth. Simultaneously, B. Big Boss was explaining how the larger a company borrowing money is, the larger the loan’s potential write-off would adversely affect the revenue of the lending bank. In this instance, his statement can be both translated as ‘The larger the loan, the more significantly it will negatively impact the overall revenue of the lending institution if it is written off”, and as ‘The bigger a bitches hips, the easier it is for the kid to pop out’. It should be noted that B. Big Boss fallowed up his assessment of a woman’s hip size affecting labor with a hypothesis that males are naturally more attracted to females with wider hips. He evidenced this theory by noting that bears, wolves, and dogs have the same instincts when mating.

  1. “You gotta make shit happen. The only thing that happens regularly without you doing anything about it is a bowel movement.” – 2/25/11

  • B. Big Boss eloquently slipping advice to Dude Man at his desk after a tuft with Oklahoma in which he obviously made shit happen.

  1. “You know, I was a practicing Catholic for quite some time, until all those priests had to start f#$%&$# the little boys. Haven’t been to a Catholic Mass since.”

  • B. Big Boss stating his previous religious affiliation on a Catholic Holy Day of Obligation. It should be noted that the said topic of conversation was abruptly initiated with the phrase “What the f$%& is on your head” after B. Big Boss noticed ashes on the forehead of Dude Man.

And with that, I leave you to enjoy your weekend.

Tread it up

     

3 comments:

  1. please tell me this will be followed up with the wise words of BM

    ReplyDelete
  2. I don't know if I still have any of those!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Love the ashes comment!

    ReplyDelete