Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Slob who doesn't shower, much less run

Dear diary,

It has been 1 week and 1 day since I had another human being to share parental responsibilities with.  I feel that I am losing some sanity with each passing day.  The children have torn the curtain down from two different windows in an effort to make a fort.  I have not run in way more than two weeks.  I can't recall exactly how long it's been, but it is definitely well beyond two weeks.  I have showered only every other day (if that).  The younger human child is a participant in potty training and has urinated everywhere.  Everywhere.  I sent both  children outside today so that the house could be relieved, momentarily, of the destruction being brought upon it.  While outside the children received word of a buried treasure hidden in the bottom of a large flower pot.   The back deck is 100% covered in black potting soil and it has now begun to rain.  Some of the dirt made its way inward, getting as far as the kitchen counter.  I should have known that I cannot keep wild animals in a domestic setting.  They are absolutely ravenous.  I caught one of them finishing a jar of Nutella with his bare hands.  But this does not satisfy the human child's appetite.  The children do not want to be fed.  The children want to hunt.

-Hugh Jass

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