Tuesday, April 19, 2011

No, but really

I'm about to get all real and deep on you, so this is a warning.

3 weeks ago, I left Charlotte to come to Texas but my husband stayed back. I dove head first into a new life where I wake up for work at 4:45 and my kids are in daycare for nearly 12 hours every day. Yeah, from stay at home mom to that. I came to an intersection and blasted through it. Now I'm finding myself tapping the breaks and seriously considering a U turn. I'm in one of those spots, where I don't know what my ultimate goal is. Nothing is clear.

Life in Charlotte and Life in Dallas are polar opposites. In Charlotte, I casually woke up when my kids did and proceeded with a relaxed, but lonely day. I would spend most of my time in my own head, no one to talk to, nowhere for all my thoughts to go. However, now I haven't the time to even think about where my next meal is coming from. I rise before the sun and rush to get everyone out of bed and at the daycare door no later than 6:05. For the next hour I'm on the highway until I see the Dallas skyline. I meet C25Karen half way and we car pool, so the last half of my drive is actually kind of fun.

I really like my job. The people I work with are lots of fun and the hours fly by. I just wish I weren't spending so much time in the car. The 2 1/2 hours that I spend in the car everyday could be spent getting in a good long run every morning. Don't even get me started on little I've been running lately.

Even with the long hours away from the kids and the crappy commute, I think I could be totally happy if only my husband were here. The four of us only had each other in Charlotte. Now, the kids are with friends and teachers at daycare, I'm with coworkers, and he is on the other side of the country. It makes me wonder if I'm doing the right thing by moving back here. "Home" is getting more and more difficult to define. I currently live in the town where I grew up. 18 years of my life were spent here and yet I feel like a total stranger.

I do know that I have a tendency to constantly seek greener pastures without realizing the greatness of what I already have. I just need to find my happy medium.


  1. Very good and honest post. We will support you in any decision. Do what is best for your family as a whole. Look at all options. Write it down. Talk about it. Pray about it. It will all work out in the end!

  2. :(....all i can think is, welcome to most people's lives...or maybe I should say mine? except i got the hubby here...but you will in time.