Saturday, September 24, 2011

Saturday morning short story for ANGIE

Grab your cup of coffee, kick your feet up and enjoy a heart warming narrative.

It was a hot August day in the small town of Tom Bean, Texas.  People from across the globe had gathered here for the celebration of my boyfriend's father's 50th birthday.  There seemed to be a representative from every continent whom had all, at one time, been a member of my boyfriend's family as exchange students.

My boyfriend's elder sister was fresh off of her second child and a picture perfect soccer mom.  She had soccer mom hair, soccer mom clothes and had just acquired her first mini van.  A bright and mature young lady, she was never rude and always carried herself with poise and dignity.

Also in attendance on this day was the former girlfriend of my current boyfriend, Penny.  Penny lacked any real connections to other members of the party that might validate the necessity of her presence, but alas, there she was.  A petite blond with a small waist yet ample bosom and ample ass.

Penny would call my boyfriend from time to time for a good chat, even calling out "Tell Alecia I said hi!".  Of course she made me uneasy, but pride wouldn't allow me to be the jealous type.  On this August day in Texas, she arrived early, just before the festivities were to begin.  Tables were still being set up and chairs were being brought out.  Penny asked if I would like to join her for some shopping at the local mall.  I couldn't imagine why she always tried so hard to befriend me.  As the old saying goes, "if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck" then it probably wants to sleep with your boyfriend.

Penny ventured to the mall alone and when she returned, the festivities were in full swing.  Cousins sang songs dedicated to the man of the hour.  Former exchange students from around the world read letters, and recalled fond memories.  As the night crept in, so did the fire water.  Better know as "agua diente" to the half dozen or so Colombians in attendance.  The wonderful thing about Colombians is the life they bring to a party.  The hand full of times that I had witnessed my prospective in laws drinking, were those occasions when there was a South American presence.  To be offered a shot is to be offered a gift, and to not accept that gift would be rude.  Everyone was letting their hair down.  Shots were being taken, salsa music was playing and everyone was dancing.  Everyone except the sole Asian of the bunch.  He had hit the Corona too hard, too early and had long since been passed out.

During one dancing sabbatical, I went inside to sit around the dining room table with my boyfriend and sweet Penny.  The table sat in a bay window that looked out over the yard and the long back patio where the salsa music continued to blare.  I have no recollection of the conversation that was taking place, or the catalyst that set the following event into motion.

The door opened and in stepped the elder sister of my counterpart.  I am certain that she did not turn down a single South American shot that had been handed her way.  That would be rude.  However, poise may have been forfeited at this time.  She did not have to ask for the floor upon entry.  She already had it.  In one abrupt moment everything I thought I knew about my potential sister in law had changed.

"I don't give a f@#$ about your big boobs, or your blond hair!  This is ALECIA'S territory!"

She went on to say more, such as "Why are you here", and "You need to leave".  My first reaction was to calm her.  I actually felt bad for Penny.  Oh, if I had only known.  I would have let my boyfriend's sister rip off Penny's head and.... well, anyway.  My second reaction was pure disbelief that I had just heard the "F" bomb come from the lips of the girl with the mini van.  My third reaction was gratitude and a little bit of fear.

Fast forward about 9 years and I am still grateful for my awesome sister in law.  I also still fear her a little.

Happy Birthday Angie!  I hope I never piss you off.


  1. You should always fear the sister in law! :) Just to set the record straight, the mini van is gone! The mom hair is gone (I think & hope!). Can't wait to hang with you in Chicago and cross that dang finish line! Thanks for the birthday wishes!

  2. I love this!!! I can only hope that my sister-in-laws fear me as much as you fear Angie. Ha ha. But also know, I always have their back :)

  3. That is the best story I've ever heard!! Totally made me laugh cause I can completely imagine my sister doing the same thing. Love it!!!

  4. My favorite read thus far! Hilarious and makes me miss the hell outta you!
    P.S. Its almost Chicago time!