Thursday, June 27, 2013

The SAHM situation

We don't have a lot of money.  We have a cheap house that we've outgrown on the "wrong" side of the tracks, if there even is a wrong side in a rural town.  And we drive two inexpensive, but good quality, mechanically sound cars.

We're fine with our financial standing.  We don't feel deprived in any way.  We're even quite pleased with ourselves when we find a creative way to get the things that we want.  Like the triple bunk bed we built in our kid's room, a raised garden bed from scrap sheet metal and wood, and the privacy fence we built from scrap that someone else was giving away.

It has since received more paint
However, I still can't shake the feeling that there are those who look at me and think "If she would just get off her ass and get a job...".   It's not uncommon to hear the question "So what do you do all day?"  And every time it renders me blank, silent, and depressingly insecure.  How do I answer that?  "Well, yesterday I mowed the lawn.  Today I bagged up some broken toys... dishes, laundry... on Thursdays we go to story time..."  Nothing I do sounds very important when you're standing in a group of engineers, salesmen, teachers, and so forth.

I, myself, have a hard time believing that what I do is important.  I'm not the woman who "does it all".  Does that make me less of a woman?  Less of a mom?  An anti feminist?  A bad role model for my daughter?  When my husband comes home, I feel the need to give him the complete run down of everything I accomplished while he was gone.  He doesn't need me to do that.  He has told me this many times.

I wasn't so insecure about this stuff until we came back to Texas.  All of a sudden I was looking around and seeing that everyone else had so much more than us.  It wasn't that I wanted the things they had, but that I was feeling like perhaps we were behind in the game of life.  Every now and again I have to remind myself of the wise words of Louis CK...

I do want a career of my own and I'm ready to start that process.  But I don't want to feel like what I do now is meaningless or that the last 6 years have been a lazy waste.

-Hugh Jass


  1. The last 6 years haven't been meaningless/lazy to the lives of your kids.

    I'm a huge advocate for working moms, but I also admire the ones who stay home. I get to experience the whole SAHM thing one day a week while Dan works and

    Good luck with whatever you decide to do!

    1. Thanks! I had a full time job a few years ago, but it was too far away and I felt like I spent half my life in the car. I definitely don't want to do that again.

    2. At this point in your life, you are doing what is best for your family. They are all still so young and need your guidance. You are doing a great job, your kids are amazing. (THIS is coming from my husband yesterday!!!, he said "ya know, i love alecia's kids, you tell them not to do something and they just do it and go on"...and, "so i went outside to see if evin was ok when i saw her hit in the head with the ball, but the minute i was heading that way, i saw Alaurie hugging Evin asking if she was ok, now thats a kid")SO, if you are feeling down in the dumps, DONT. And, after keeping Oliver, he is a happy, wonderful, little boy. So, you are doing a fantastic "job". Don't ever think others would never want the way you have it. I get the text messages and pictures and info on what Evin did that morning from Neal and I dont get to be with her or take her to Nannies each morning. I wish I had that. I get to hear Evin call me Nannie for about an hour each afternoon because she is so used to being with her during the day that it makes me sad. I love ya'll. You guys are "fine by me".

    3. The answer here is simple- YES! Of course you are doing whats best for you and your family. Im sorry, but I cant think of any career I could have that would justify the expense of daycare for 3. (Id think you were nuts!) ANd just like you may feel other people are judging, its really more that they ENVY the time you get with your kids (and the patience it requires!)

  2. I often tell myself that I want to be a SAHM, then Summer hits and I get to be for about 10 weeks. I love that time with my kids, but am *not so secretively* happy when it's time to start school. It's hard staying at home. And to make it worse, people who don't do it, don't understand what you do all day. It's honestly easier to go to work than to try to keep 3 kids entertained all day. Now if I could be a SAHM who sends her kids to daycare... that would be a different story. ;)

    1. It took less than 1 week for me to wish school was back in session.